Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Only a night from old to new (for Carry on Tuesday)

The rain was running down the kitchen window like liquid threads unwinding from a heavenly spool. Behind this watery curtain a grey November morning started unfolding its dim light, hardly managing to brighten up the darkness of the previous night. The cup of coffee in her hands had gone cold while she had been losing herself in the rain and her thoughts. Like a deep sea diver she had to take a few minutes before surfacing from the depths and re-enter the world above water. She vaguely remembered her husband kissing her goodbye before hasting out of the door, like always in a rush with no time for breakfast and a client already waiting. No further mention of the conversation they’d had last night. For him no big deal, nothing left to say. In fact, “Grow up and stop being silly.” was all he had to say when she had finally opened up, released her deepest fears, hoping that he might save her, that together they might be able to change but that hope was now gone, drowned in the relentless rain of the night and her tears, that she had cried secretly after he had gone asleep. Now she just felt empty and washed out. She looked at the clock on the opposite wall, a horrible thing he had bought when they moved in, efficient and sterile like the kind they have in offices and hospitals, and realised that she was meant to be at work 5 minutes ago. Slowly she raised herself from the chair and went to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes looked tired and red but just behind their dead stare she could make out a faint glimmer of their old sparkle. She started running herself a bath and after a long soak she felt cleansed and renewed. Like dead skin cells she had scrubbed off all memory of this life and walked out the door.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

What I want (inspired by We write poems)

I want the latest fashion
And lots of new books
Nice jewellery and perfume
Plus fabulous looks
A house by the sea
And comfortable wealth
No worries to think of
And everlasting health
Okay, I’m just kidding
Though sometimes it’s true
I run around wanting
Stupid things, have no clue
But honestly, if you ask me
If I had just one shot
I want to stop wanting
And be content with my lot

Sunday, 19 December 2010

December (inspired by Sunday Scibblings)

Every year in December
I’m stopped in my flow
And ask myself the question
Where did this year go?
Time seems to be racing
I run behind or ahead
But every year in December
It suddenly stops dead
And while watching the snowflakes
A thought dawns on me
It’s time to stop running
And start trying to be

Triumphant (inspired by Writer's Island)

Triumphant is one
Who has realised clearly
True nature of all

Friday, 17 December 2010

The best perfume (for Poets United)

You can try and bottle up
The finest aromas
Mix it with the scent
Of high diplomas
Add the fragrance
Of money and success 
But money cannot buy
The beautiful smell
Of a life lived fully
A life lived well

Sunday, 12 December 2010

The pursuit of happiness (for We Write Poems)

Oh how to catch
Such an elusive creature
If you don’t know
What it looks like
Can’t describe
A single feature
Wouldn’t recognise it
If it bit you on the arse
In some cases
The pursuit of happiness
Seems like a farce

Wondrous morning (for Writer's Island)

The station's little coffee shop
Was open today
It never had been before
Wondrous it was
Covered in pictures
Of old movie stars
Marilyn Monroe
Frank Sinatra
James Dean
Many I didn't even know by name
And when after he served me
The owner started playing
An old record of his
"Do you whisper to an angel
or do you just say I love you?"
The dawning morning transformed
Into a scene out of time
And when the eyes of a stranger
Met mine
I was bewitched
Just for a second.

Friday, 10 December 2010

Winter podginess

It’s not the season
For a skinny body
Even my biggest jeans
Think I’m too podgy
I’m turning into the object
Of my food desire
Muffins spring to mind
The mirror’s no liar
But whenever I’m naked
The mirror’s my friend
I quite like my new curves
Think I’m bang on trend
My hubby’s delighted
And praises my bits
Loves the big bum
As well as my tits
So I ask myself why
I want to be thinner
Seems like this new shape
Is clearly a winner
Maybe it’s time
To change my focus
The clothes are the problem


I don’t think it’s my role
To tell you what you want to hear
To agree with everything you do
To cheer you on
When I see you aiming for disaster
Most people wouldn’t take the risk
To offend you
By telling you the truth
They wouldn’t challenge you
Like I do
I understand
That sometimes
It’s about just being there
To pick up the pieces
But other times
I would like to stop you
From going to pieces
In the first place

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Forgiveness (inspired by Poets United)

Bathing in a pool
Of guilt and regret
The last words of a fool
Melodiously said
Could have
Would have
Should have
Could have learned
To accept
Would have
Given respect
To the fact
That we all make mistakes
And the past has long gone
Should have tried not to be
The fool in that song

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Confessions of a control freak

My name is Dani and I’m a control freak. Oh yes and I’m sure if you met me in person you’d also soon come to that conclusion. A lot of people I met this year did and thankfully they told me so. Obviously, I didn’t like that at first. It’s easy to ignore feedback like that if your husband tells you so (because all women are control freaks compared to men) but alas I had to seriously investigate these allegations – turned out, it’s true.
So at the beginning of summer, after some reflection, I came to the conclusion that the need to control comes from fear and that I needed to face my fears. So I did. Amongst other things I skinny dipped into the Thames near Oxford from a little boat my husband and I hired: I discovered that the Thames water is still freezing cold in May and that being covered in sunscreen doesn’t help a swift escape back into a plastic boat. I might have traumatised some locals that were driving past on their bikes as well but hey, I was facing my fears and I'd like to think I helped them too.
Later this summer I felt like there’s something deeper going on, that somehow I’m not really expressing myself or living to my full potential and might actually try to control a part of myself that I’m scared to let out. So one Sunday morning while sharing a bath with my husband I burst into tears telling him that he just didn’t understand what I was going through. When he requested me to elaborate, all I could say (in a very dramatic fashion!) was: "I need to grow my wings!" and he said: “Ah... so you don’t just want to be a monkey (he calls me that sometimes) but a FLYING monkey!” Amidst all the tears I laughed out loud and agreed. My Alter Ego was created. The next day I started writing my blog.
Needless to say that the controlling behaviour hasn’t just disappeared but in little baby steps I've done more things that I never did before and started to do other things differently.
Last month I started thinking a lot about letting go and learning to enjoy being lazy and boy did I get into that one! It was like discovering a new drug. Finally I allow myself to just do what takes my fancy and I have been reading and writing to my heart’s content. It’s been manure for my blossoming creativity. Of course, there have been downsides: our flat is a mess and hasn’t been cleaned properly for over a month now (it normally gets an over-all clean at least every two weeks), I’m way behind with an assignment for my Uni course (in fact I haven’t even started) and it is due in next week, my clothes are getting too tight (and I choose to think that someone secretly takes them in at night) and I’m still sitting here writing this in my dressing gown at lunchtime.
Do I feel bad? Yes, sometimes. When the old addicted voice in my head says: “Go on, get a grip, you know you want to.” But you know what? Maybe I’ll just have to wing it – isn’t that what wings are for?

Rollercoaster love (inspired by Carry on Tuesdays)

Through a rollercoaster
Of joy and despair
From seemingly grounded
To up in the air
Our relationship always
Continues to move
And therefore it really
Never loses its groove
I hope it will never
Get boring or lame
But always be exciting
And never the same
For change is the secret
And we’re the living proof
That the course of true love
Never runs smooth

Saturday, 4 December 2010


In between day and night
When things quiet down
Shadows come to light
And something emerges

From the dark abyss
Of oblivious functioning
Sensing something's amiss
In all this
That what I’m led to believe
Can’t be right
That somehow I’ve lost sight
Of the point, the purpose, the goal
There’s no soul
In this life
Lived according to conventions
And I wonder
Where I’ve been all day
For I wasn’t really here
In the now
And somehow
Feel like losing myself
In a dream world

Where days seamlessly
Go from one to the next
Without me

The quest (inspired by Writer's Island)

Life seems at times
Like a never-ending quest
An adventure filled chase
After a treasure chest
But every time we get where
The treasure’s meant to be
We just find another map
That guides our destiny
There’s never fulfilment
To be found in that chest
Only fuel for more hunting
And I start to detest
Do you think I am stupid
Or are you taking the mick
I quit this stupid game
It’s making me sick
Instead I will happily
Start to enjoy
Dolce far niente
Oh what a joy!

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Gratitude (inspired by Writer's Island)

I ask myself why
When thinking about gratitude
I seem to display
A rather biased attitude
I am very grateful
For all that I like
For the things that I wanted
Like my first bike
But I’m not saying thanks
For the hardship and pain
For the tears and the dramas
The dreams pursued in vain
But have they not all
A role to play
In shaping who I am
What I think, do and say
Because sometimes I wonder
When I look back
Is all what it seems?
Is black really black?
Events that back then
Were a real disaster
Often changed things for the better
And probably much faster
Than if things would have turned out
Just as I planned
In gratitude therefore
I’m folding my hands
Saying thank you for everything
Just as it is
For all of the pain
As well as the bliss

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Antidote (inspired by Sunday Scribblings)

You’re my antidote
My reality check
My mirror image
Reflecting back

All the things I can’t see
Or don’t want to know
My faults and my flaws
You put them on show

It’s not always easy
To recognise this
More often than not
I give it a miss

Perceiving you as separate
Outside, in front of me
I confront you instead
Of the real enemy

For whatever I see
In you
Is in me

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

What a difference a day makes (for Sunday Scribblings)

Endurance and hope 
Waiting to be rescued
29 men still breathing
Despair and pain
29 men dead
Families grieving

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Peerless (inspired by Writer's Island)

There’s nothing like
The grace of a camel
Its swagger is met by none
Unfazed it sways
With lazy movements
Never rushed or hurried
Strolling along
In the effortless style
Of someone who
Just doesn’t give a shit

Driftwood (inspired by We Write Poems)

I dive into the cool embrace
Of the liquid of life
My body elated, feather light
I float on my back
Feel supported and free
Only sky above
The ocean beneath
I ride on the rhythm of its breath
Every wave a small death
Like driftwood
To be carried away
And washed up on new shores
Full of new adventures

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Winter Blues (Inspired by Carry on Tuesday)

I look out of the window
Onto a gloomy day
Windy as my mind
All in disarray
The leaves have fallen
It’s raining cats and dogs
Short days are calling
They’ve turned back the clocks
And I feel so blue
Because I don’t want it to be true

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Essential (inspired by Sunday Scribblings)

I have been thinking about this prompt since Sunday now. Initially I felt very positive and inspired but the more I started thinking about the word, the less sense it seemed to make. It’s so over- and misused in our society as well. The least essential things are called essential while what’s really essential is overlooked. But what actually is really essential?
Today I got an e-mail through work from some agency that is supporting the redundancy process we are currently going through, inviting me to a workshop called “Job Search Essentials”. Yeah right, I need to find another job but is that essential? And what are they going to teach us there? How to best pretend to be the person they - whoever they are – want? Why can’t I just be myself and hope for the best? Being myself. That’s essential.
And you know what else? Breathing! Just discovered that again this morning when I sat down to meditate after a few weeks of absence from my cushion.
Life would be so much easier if we just focused on these two essentials.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

From my heart to my mind (inspired by Carry on Tuesday)

Close your eyes, have no fear
I’m with you my dear
I’m the voice of the heart
And the truth that you hear

Beware of the doubters
They’re always near
They’re trying to stop you
They whisper in your ear
They make everything cloudy
That seemed to be clear

It’s only you and me
Who decide in here

Envision (inspired by Writer's Island)

Call me the queen
Of big dreams and ambitions
I have more ideas
Than you could envision
I’m chasing them fast
Trying to juggle them all
They don’t all last
Some of them fall
By the side
Are abandoned half-way
I can’t do it all
What can I say
Too much for one lifetime
Even for me
Abandoned projects
Is all I can see
When at night I start thinking
Of all things that could be
And realise that really
It’s too much for little me

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Hungry mind (inspired by We write poems)

I savour the moments
when the colourful flavours
of new ideas
leave our tongues
marinated in words
that fill the air
with the delicious aroma
of food for thought

SOAR (Inspired by Writer's Island)

There are days
When life seems such a bore
And little things
Get right to my core
Then I dream myself away
To a beautiful shore
Or into the wild
where the lions roar
And I find myself wanting
So much more
I don't want to fly
I want to soar!

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Colour Scheme

Colour scheme

BLUE I like best
It makes me feel calm
Enveloping and cooling
Just like a balm

RED is a strange one
Powerful and strong
But can bring you to tears
Just like an old song

GREEN is so natural
Healthy and grounded
Makes you feel like a tree
By flowers surrounded

Now YELLOW seems harsh
Bright and direct
Just like tasting lemon
It demands some respect

But WHITE is the King
Who comes to light
As a beautiful rainbow
With all colours shining bright

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Beyond hope and fear (inspired by Carry On Tuesday and Chad)

It started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
I didn't realise where I was heading
couldn't see the slippery slope

Experience became expectation
I found it harder and harder to cope
when things didn't go to plan
and disappointed my growing hope

The feeling, once lovely
was nowhere to be seen
instead anguish and anger
dominated the scene

The problem with hope is
She doesn't come alone
by her side walks her brother
Fear's the name by which he's known

So just stick to the feeling
Enjoy it while it lasts
Don't worry about the future
and let go of the past

If the feeling's unpleasant
just wait for it to go
Things seem to be solid
but they're always in flow

Love (inspired by Sunday Scribblings)


I am the bird
That flies freely
I cannot be caught
I am the flower
That blossoms
As a beautiful thought
I am the light
In the darkness
Of hatred and pain
I am the giver
And receiver
No loss and no gain


True Love

I want you to be happy
I want you to be free
My love’s not conditioned
By what’s in it for me
Love cannot be selfish
Nor can it be controlled
To really love truly
You have to be bold

Saturday, 25 September 2010

A whimsy (inspired by Writer's Island)

A whimsy took me
Raised me up
And carried me away
I held on to it
Tenderly, lovingly
And fed it every day
I watch it growing
Finding expression
Shape and form
And I know one day
It won’t be a whimsy
But the norm

Monday, 20 September 2010

The Nature of the Mind (inspired by Sunday Scribblings)

The Nature of the Mind

Its essence

Its qualities

It always has been
And always will be

No one would have believed (inspired by Carry on Tuesday)

No one would have believed
A hundred years ago
The many things so normal for us today
And no one believes today
That other things
May be normal for us in the future

Did you believe
You would live the life you live now?
Do you believe
In the life you want to live in the future?

It is easy to believe
In what you want to believe
The mental concepts we hold
Influence our perception
And our thoughts create our world

What do you want to believe in?

Thursday, 16 September 2010

One misty moisty morning (Inspired by Carry On Tuesday)

One misty moisty morning
I woke up from a dream
Of dolphins in blue waters
And jungles lush and green

I thought this must be special
Some deeper truth behind
A landscape so amazing
Coming from my mind

After lots and lots of thinking
And wondering all day
I came to the conclusion
There’s nothing much to say

A dream is just a dream
That much I know for sure
The ones at night are easy
The days are more obscure

How do we ever really know
If we’re awake or dreaming
It all feels real right then
Real smell, real sight, real feeling

Only after do we realise
That it was just in our mind
How do we know that NOW
is of a different kind?

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Treatment (inspired by Sunday Scribblings)

“Treat others the way you want to be treated”.
That’s sometimes easier said than done. Especially if THEY don’t treat us the way we want to be treated. We like to think that certain negative behaviours cancel out the above rule and justify an equal response. Wrong! Why? Well, first of all there’s karma to consider: somehow we created the causes for this to happen – even if we can’t remember anymore - and reacting in a negative way will only create more causes for future shit to come our way. However, this train of thought doesn’t always work – for the simple reason that we just can’t believe that we really created this situation (we just can’t remember!). Therefore I tend to argue along the lines of one of my “things” in order to look after myself and my karma: I tell myself that no one but myself controls my behaviour and that I always have a choice. If I treat someone else badly just because they treated me badly, that means I’m just reacting rather than acting - which means they are in control: they MAKE me behave that way. Now this goes completely against the grain of what I believe in (my “thing”): No one makes me do anything – so I try and choose my response and when I take the time to think I also remember karma and then I often do actually manage to rise above the petty ping pong game. I might still think “Fuck ‘em” but I don’t act it out and I don’t say it.
So still some work to do - but I am getting there ;-)